I stare blankly at the couple a table next,

As I sip my drink like no tomorrow, I vex.

This is not creepy behavior, or so I assume.

I sip and stare like an impending doom.

I watch as they leave, all warm and cozy, in each other’s arms.

A pit in my stomach, disgust or envy?

A wave of unset alarms hit me like a truck, then I noticed.

An empty cup.

Heartless, I’m not, more rather intrigued by all the gossip of matrimony.

I am 26, living on my own, in my huge childhood home, filled with the dead of things and refurbishing.

The dust soaks up air, and I sleep unaware.

It’s that time of year, once again, and I feel nothing, not even zen.

Valentine’s Day, full of hearts, flowers, and half off chocolates.

I am not a fan of chocolate, flowers are fine, and hearts live in us, so why bother understanding?

I stand in the coffee shop once again, ordering my drink without talking,

They are here again, happy and amused by today’s cheer.

I feel pure fear; bloodshot and all,

Exhausted of watching people all my life, smile here, nod there,

Feel nicely enough to approach,

Unfortunately that’s all I know.

Everything about my life feels like mist in the air,

It can drown you in a short term despair,

I want the mist to drown me in something other than sadness,

Invisible God, save me from this drift.

Do I really care this much about love?

I am indifferent, always have been since an infant,

Am I selfish for not giving any? Or wrong for not receiving any?

Either way, my flesh will decompose on the Earth belonging to no one, not even precious Mother Nature.