This is the perception of many people: if you are not in a relationship, then you are not actually experiencing high school life. Movies and shows depict this, and it is rather a normal occurrence to behold couples in school. As far as I have spoken with people, many say they feel like they’re missing something if they aren’t in a relationship. My goal, however, isn’t to convince anyone to abstain from relationships, but rather to put everyone’s minds at ease that it’s perfectly fine not to be in one, and that many others feel this way.
Most popular media represents high school relationships as that one ultimate teenage experience. Movies such as He’s All That and shows like Never Have I Ever perfectly illustrate this. In the movie He’s All That, the indication of being “cool” is associated with being in a relationship. This is not the main plot, but is easily connected to by teenagers using it as a comparison to their own lives. Never Have I Ever takes this one step further when the main character, Devi, relentlessly pursues different relationships just for social recognition. These are the romances that we watch that affect us; it is easy to pick up from them that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is the main part of being in high school.
In addition to the media, the mere presence of couples in and around school can breed this pressure. It’s normal to feel left out when it seems like everyone else is dating. But lots of people feel this way, even if they don’t talk about it. Upon asking others if they ever felt pressured to be in a relationship in high school, I got a lot of mixed responses. One response sounded like this: “No, not really. I have just always known that love will come to me at the right time! I do feel a little left out because everybody seems so happy, but during those times I focus on the love in me and my friends.” Another shared, “Personally, no, because I’m just not ready for the relationship. Yes, I do see a lot of my friends in relationships; it does feel like I am missing out on teen love. Movies about teen love play a part in making me feel that way.” These responses show that even though many people feel left out, they’re very much okay waiting for the right time.
If you are feeling the pressure to be in a relationship, there are ways to lighten that particular burden and place greater focus on yourself instead. It is great first and foremost to take the time to understand oneself well enough before entering a relationship. Working on your mental and physical health can make you stronger in yourself, rather than making you stronger by depending on someone else. Another thing that would be really worth it is to ensure that you first make close friendships, as even friendships take emotional energy. Throwing a relationship into that mix gets tricky if you aren’t ready for one.
Another thing to remember is that a relationship requires emotional maturity. They need communication, time, effort, and responsibility. So, if you are in high school and prepared for that sort of commitment-almost an achievement-but even if you are not ready yet, that is perfectly okay. Your time in high school is for growing up, learning, and building that kind of maturity at your own pace.
After all, it is expected of you to want to be in a relationship, but you should just not compare yourself with other people. If you feel you are somehow left out, focus on the love coming from friends, family, and most importantly yourself. Take relationships at your own pace. You are not falling behind; everybody has their time, and that’s totally OK.
